


Welcome Home

by Addison5578 (orphan_account)



Series: Welcome Home, Friends [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, Character Death, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fluff, Funerals, Hospitals, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, I Believe in KenHina suppremacy, M/M, Major Illness, Married Kenhina, Medical Inaccuracies, Not Beta Read, Pain, Pro Volleyball Player Hinata Shouyou, Pro Volleyball Player Kageyama Tobio, Sick Hinata Shouyou, Sleepy Cuddles, Stan Kozume Kenma For Clear Skin, Terminal Illnesses, Volleyball, god I fucking love kenma, im so sorry, sigh, there's some fluff, xoxo gossip girl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:01:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26905549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Addison5578
Summary: Breathing use to be easy for Shouyou Kozume.But now it's not...
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Series: Welcome Home, Friends [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1963156
Comments: 20
Kudos: 67





	1. Transfered Files

"Time of Death: 05:10"

Kozume Kenma Stared with silent tears falling down his face.

He was in a state of shock

His best friend, his lover, his husband

is gone...

oh god he's gone

and he won't come back

not this time...

Shouyou...

2 YEARS EARLIER

Something was going on with shouyou, and it got worse over time. Shouyou had frequent cramps in his hands and feet, he was also having trouble breathing. This went on for a while, non-stop. Shouyou had complained about it for a while during this time, but he never stopped playing volleyball. He always pushed through no matter what. No matter how hard it was to breathe, no matter how bad the muscle cramps were getting, he'd always push through it. 

Kenma had been trying to get Shouyou to see a doctor for weeks after Shouyou first complained about it, but shouyou always refused. So weeks went on with shouyou things to figure out what was wrong on his own, he was stubborn, he didn't want to have to stop playing.

It took months to get Shouyou to see a doctor.

Shouyou stood up and began to walk over to the male doctor who called him over. His hand was cramping again, and he had some difficulty breathing, but it was nothing compared to the pain he felt in practice and games. "Hello, Mr.Kozume. I'm Doctor.Ames." The doctor said, ruching out his hand to give Shouyou a handshake. "Ah, Hello," Shouyou responded, returning the handshake.

The appointment went on as normal, Shouyou was asked about his family's medical history, really just if any of his family had had any concerning medical conditions. "My grandmother passed away from ALS, and my great grandmother had it as well," Shouyou said, not really thinking much of it since his mother nor his father had ALS.

"Alright, Mr.Kozume, would it be okay if I ran a few tests? They shouldn't take too long, I just want to make sure you don't have ALS, and before we do that we'll have to rule out any other illnesses. Right now, we don't know a ton about it, but we have a suspicion it can be passed on via genetics. So since your grandmother had it, it could be possible that you have it as well. But, I could be completely wrong and you just need some antibiotics." The doctor responded, trying to sound a bit positive at the end of his sentence. 

The thought of being diagnosed with an illness like ALS was horrifying. Shouyou watched his grandmother get weaker and weaker by the end as she approached death. He'd overheard some of what his grandmother's doctors were talking about with Shouyou's mother. He was only 8, but he still remembers it like it was yesterday. ALS can affect nerves in your brain and spinal cord, making it hard to do basic things, like walking, talking, eating, and breathing. Most people with ALS die because they lose control of their diaphragm, and have to be put on a breathing machine. It was rare that someone as young as Shouyou would get ALS...  
  


Shouyou pushed himself far past his limits. His lungs felt like they were on fire. It had been almost a full year since he first went to the doctor with his symptoms, his doctor has been informing him about his test results.

Shouyou's symptoms have been progressing to the point where it's noticeable. He's been working his ass off to stay playing for MSBY, he's still a starting player, but it's painful for him. The cramps in his muscles have been getting worse over the months, and it's getting harder and harder for him to breathe, Kenma knows about what's been going on, it's not like Shouyou had to tell him though. Kenma's always very observant.

An official ALS diagnosis takes about one year.

And, It had been one year since that dreaded appointment.

There were dozens of check-ups, tests all of that, and he still hadn't gotten a diagnosis.

Shouyou's phone began to ring.

Maybe this was it.

The phone call he'd been dreading.

who knows.

"Hello?" Shouyou greets the person on the other line of the phone.

"Hello Mr.Kozume, I'm calling because we have an official diagnosis. As you know we've been suspecting the thing that was wrong with you was Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, and I say with a heavy heart, that it was. Mr. Kozume, I'm sending your files to the Osaka Central Hospital. From what information on your case, it seems like you're feeling progressively worse. I'd advise you to take a break from volleyball and focus on your health. If you have any concerns please send them to the Osaka Central Hospital." A familiar voice says. It was Doctor Ames.

And with that, Shouyou broke down.


	2. Without the Sun, Theres no Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: incase you haven't realized Shouyou is 26 in this and Kenma is 27.

As Shouyou it the END CALL button on his phone, he broke down. He let himself cry, he had a right to.

Heavy sobs could be heard from outside of Shouyou's room, but Kenma wasn't home. No one could hear his cry of pain and agony.

Shouyou clenches his fists hard enough to make his hands bleed, he was in pain. Mentally, and physically. Cases of ALS normally lead to death 2-5 years after the diagnosis, Shouyou would have to quit volleyball to live at least 2 years... All of his hard work, gone. He made it to the top, and now he's falling back down...

And Kenma, oh kenma. Shouyou loved him more than anything in the world, Kenma was Shouyou's everything. Kenma was always there for him, and now, Shouyou may have to leave him. Tears ran down Shouyou's face faster and faster at the thought of leaving Kenma behind.

Kenma was like the Earth, and Shouyou was the sun.

Kenma turned the key to unlocked the door to him and Shouyou's shared home.

As he opened the door, he could hear sobs coming from him and Shouyou's bedroom.

Shouyou was-

crying?

Kenma shut the door behind him and set the paper bags full of groceries on the kitchen table and ran to him and Shouyou's bedroom.

Kenma opened the door to see shouyou on the floor curled up in a ball in the corner of their bedroom.

His hair looked like a mess, and his tan face was wet with tears, there was a bit of snot coming out of his nose.

Shouyou noticed Kenma standing above him, he wiped the tears from his face.

Kenma opened up his arms, welcoming the crying man into a warm hug, shouyou felt safe, he felt okay. The hug lasted a few minutes, Shouyou's head was tucked into the crook of Kenma's neck, wetting his lover's shirt a bit, but Kenma didn't mind. Kenma was never one to just randomly give out hugs, he never really was a hugger, but when it came to Shouyou, he'd do anything.

"Shou, baby what happened?" Kenma whispered, pulling away from the hug so he could get some sort of explanation. Kenma already had a decent idea of what it could be about. Probably shouyou's condition...

Kenma stepped towards their bed, it was a king-sized bed with white and gray pillows and light gray bed sheets. Kenma gestured Shouyou to sit down, so they could have a face to face conversation on something more comfortable than the floor.

Shouyou sat down on the bed, his legs sitting crisscross. Then Kenma sat down facing him.

The two men were sitting right across from each other, Shouyou had been sitting with his back to the pillows, facing Kenma who was sitting on the end of the bed staring at him, waiting for him to answer his question.

"I-, my uh-" Shouyou tried to get the words out, but he couldn't, this news was huge, he didn't want to have to see his loves face when he told him.

"mytestresultsfinallycamebackandthedoctorsaidthatIhaveALSandIneedtoquitvolleyball" Shouyou said, very, very quickly, Kenma could barely understand what he was saying.

"Shou, baby I need you to say that again, but slower, okay?" Kenma said in a soft tone, careful not to sound too demanding. It was clear that Shouyou was In a fragile state, and he didn't want to come off as angry.

"my test results came back," Hinata said, taking a deep breath as tears began to collect at his lash line, coming dangerously close to falling down his pink cheeks. Kenma just stayed silent and nodded.

"I do have ALS, you remember when I explained it to you right?" Shouyou said, taking another deep breath. His breath hitched as he saw Kenma nod again, Kenma's goldfish-yellow eyes were glossy, he knows all about ALS, he studied it after Shouyou explained it to him around a year ago.

"And I uh, I need to quit volleyball...butnoweverythingweworkedsoahrdforisgoingtowasteandican'tdothisanymorekenmaireallycan'tithurtssobad" Shouyou said, his voice finally broke at the end, and the tears that were once sitting at his lash line finally fell, fast.

He began sobbing again, he didn't want to die, he really didn't...

"Shou, Shou, Shou, SHOUYOU," Kenma yelled, Hinata was breaking down, crying, mumbling words. He had finally made it to the top, and it was about to be taken away from him...

After hearing Kenma, the normally introverted and quiet man yell his name, Shouyou looked up to look at his lover's face.

Kenma was- crying. He made Kenma cry... "Kenma I- I'm sorry I Just-" Hinata tried to get out. "Shhhhh, Shouyou, it's okay, it's okay..." Kenma soothed Kenma couldn't blame Shouyou. He worked so hard to get to where he was today, and it was all being taken away from him. He was Shouyou Kozume, a volleyball star, an amazing person who would light up the room right when he walked in, he was an amazing husband. Shouyou worked so hard for everything he has, sure, he had some help along the way but still...

Shouyou felt like he was a child, he was sobbing into his lover's arms, mumbling something he couldn't even understand. His mind was a mess, he was freaking out... Shouyou began to take deep breaths, in, and out, in, and out.

"that's it, Shou, in and out okay sweetheart.." Kenma whispered in Shouyou's ear. Kenma was always good at calming shout down during his rare breakdowns.

"I'm sorry Ken.." Shouyou half-whispered, his head was tilted downwards, causing his orange hair to cover his eyes.

"Shou, look at me," Kenma said, putting his pointer finger under Shouyou's chin to pull his head up to look at him. Shouyou stared at Kenma's face.

"It's going to be okay, alright. I know how heartbroken you are sweetheart, I know... I'll be there for you though, I'll be here for you whenever okay. I want you to be safe, and healthy, and if that means quitting for now until getting better than so be it, I love you no matter what." Kenma began.

"so Shouyou, your volleyball season is coming to an end, you only have a few games left, how about you finish it, and crush it. Whatever makes you happy." Kenma stated, Shouyou looked at him with wide eyes.

"But, you're going to have to quit, and I know that's going to be painful...But I need you to get better, for me, for your teammates, for Natsu, for your parents, for everyone." Kenma said, a soft smile appearing on his face. Kenma looked so strong, but in reality, he was in so much pain, his love was breaking down in front of him...He couldn't stand the thought of losing Shouyou, but he also couldn't stand the thought of Shouyou being miserable, and unhappy because he couldn't finish up his season.

Shouyou smiled, wiping the tears from his now red face. "Okay.." He said softly. He didn't exactly like the idea of quitting volleyball, he actually hated it, but he wanted to stay with Kenma, alive.

The two men ended up just falling asleep right after that conversation. But they fell asleep in each other's arms, they were happy and felt safe like that.

and yes, Kenma did forget to put away the groceries.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmmm quick rant, am I the only one that changed characters last name if im making a fic where they're married? like in a ton of pics I see Hinata married to like Kageyama or someone and they keep both characters last name the same. I think that's out of habit of just writing their last name, idk lmao.


	3. Pancakes? Pancakes.

The bright sun seeping in through the bedroom blinds woke Shoyou up, he had his head tucked in his lover's chest. A soft smile grew on his face as he realized how understanding his lover was, and how amazing he was. A slight blush appeared on his face as he felt Kenma's toned body.

Shouyou didn't want to have to get up and leave the comfort of his lover's arms, so he didn't, even though he had practice in.....

What time is it?

Shouyou turned his head to his bedside table to look at the black alarm sitting there.

ah, 10:05 AM.

Shouyou had practice in 25 minutes, but it was a mutual understanding that he'd skip today. Shouyou snuggled Kenma closer, he felt safe with Kenma. Kenma wrapped his arms around Shouyou, Kenma looked half asleep.

The two men were still in their clothing from yesterday, they never changed after that dreadful conversation, they just wanted to be together.

"good morning love.." Kenma quietly, and sleepily said, he'd been half-awake for a while now, but Shouyou's movements made him aware.

"mmm, good morning Kenma," Shouyou said, lifting himself slowly to give Kenma a peck on the lips. Shouyou could feel the smile forming on Kenma's lips as he kissed him.

"Kenma, don't you have a stream today?" Shouyou sluggishly said, Shouyou didn't want Kenma to stream today truth be told, he just wanted to lay with him for a while.

"Yeah, I do at one, but I was thinking." Kenma began, getting up from the bed and stretching.

"I was thinking we could do a little Q&A thing, for fun y'know? people have been asking for that.." Kenma said. Hinata began to get up, they were both starving.

Shouyou stayed silent as he and Kenma walked out of their shared bedroom, he didn't hate the idea of appearing on Kenma's stream, it's just, not something he does often. Sure he and Kenma have made videos together that were uploaded to Kenma's channel, but those were edited, so whatever he said could just be cut out and no would know...

On the other hand with streaming, he could stumble on his words and say something he didn't mean...

Thoughts like those flooded Shouyou's mind as he walked into the kitchen.

"Shou, you know you don't have to, right?" Kenma said, opening the fridge to grab out some orange juice.

"mmm, yeah, but I'll do it" Shouyou replied, a bright smiled appearing on his face as he walks over to the cabinet that holds the glasses.

Kenma looked over at Shouyou, seeing his smile, made him smile too.

Kenma poured the orange juice into two clear glasses, the both of them loved mornings like these. Mornings where they could just be together.

Shouyou felt so grateful that Kenma didn't bring up his condition, it's just like Kenma knew what to bring up and what not to, and Shouyou loved how considerate that was. 

Kenma took another sip of his half driven orange juice before looking at the time. 11:28. The two still had time to make breakfast before Kenma had to start the stream.

"Pancakes? is that even a question? of course!" Shouyou said, clearly excited.

Kenma smiled at his husband's actions, even though Shouyou was 27 he still acted like a child when it came to pancakes.

Kenma was mixing all of the dry ingredients for the pancakes together, he had a little bit of flour on his face, and on the front of his black and red apron, he was wearing. Meanwhile, shouyou was mixing the wet ingredients, his hands were kind of wet, he'd spilled some of the milk on the floor, but both Kenma and Shouyou cleaned it up and laughed about it later.

A mischievous grim appeared on Kenma's face, he grabbed a small measuring spoon and filled it with the dry ingredients. Kenma flung the mixture onto shouyou, not caring if anything got dirty, it could always be cleaned up later. 

"hey!" shouyou half yelled half laughed.

Hinata now had some of the dry mixtures in his hair and on his eyebrow, Kenma giggled at the sight.

"Oh you little-" Hinata began before running over to Kenma to fling some flour from the flour jar at him.

That ordeal went on for a solid 10 minutes before both boys were out of breath. Both of them had flour on their aprons and faces, and the floor was a mess. But it didn't matter. They were happy.

Shouyou giggled as he saw how messy Kenma was, and Kenma just laughed back. 

"okay Shou, we should get this cleanup quickly," Kenma said a wide smile was on his face.

"awwww, okay..' Shouyou whined.

After the kitchen was finally cleaned, it was back to business. Shouyou walked the bowl of wet ingredients over to Kenma's bowl of dry ingredients.

Shouyou began to pour the wet things into Kenma's bowl, while Kenma helped down his bowl, just to make sure nothing tipped over.

Shouyou's and Kenma's eyes locked, they just laughed it off as Kenma began mixing the ingredients with a handheld electric mixer. 

While Kenma was mixing everything, Shpuyou's phone began to ring from their bedroom, and he ran to get it.

He picked up his phone to see who it was calling him.

the name on the screen was "COACH FOSTER" 

"shit.." Shouyou sighed. He'd forgotten to tell the coach that he wouldn't;t be at practice today.

He slips his fingers across the screen to answer the call. 

"Hey, Coach" Shouyou answered.

"Kozume do you have any idea what time it is?? You're missing practice! Coach foster angrily explained on the other end of the phone. Squeaks of shoes and volleyball hitting the floor could be heard from Coach's end of the phone.

"Yes Coach, I know, and I'm truly sorry. I meant to call in earlier to tell you I wouldn't be attending practice today because of some things I have going on, it's very important." Shouyou said, sighing as he remembered one of the reasons why he couldn't go to practice.

Coach foster sighed at the other end of the line. He knew something was up with Shouyou, he just couldn't figure it out. "alright, you've got today and tomorrow to get whatever is happening sorted out, since you're telling me this on such short notice. But you better be here after that!" Coach Foster said.

"Will do, Coach. I'll see you then" Shouyou said as he tapped the button on his phone to hang up.

Shouyou sat his phone back down on the bedside table before walking out to go back into the kitchen.

Kenma was there, now with a plate that had a stack of pancakes and the bowl of batter that was almost gone. He flipped another pancake before looking at shouyou.

"Who was that?" knema asked before focusing his attention back to the cooking pancake.

"Ah, it was Coach Foster, he wanted to know why I wasn't at practice, I just told him some personal stuff. He gave me tomorrow off though." Shouyou said as he snatched a pancake off the plate.

Kenma placed the now golden brown pancake onto the stack of cooked ones.

Kenma frowned at the thought of Shouyou going back to practice, but he couldn't stop him, he wanted Shouyou to be happy.

Instead of saying anything in response to Shouyou telling him about the phone call, Kenma began to speak about the snatched pancake. "Hey! don't eat them yet, I still have to cook one more!" Kenma said, pretending to be angry, but Shouyou could tell he was just joking around.

"but they're so goooooooood." Shouyou said, dragging out the 'o'.

Kenma just laughed and responded, "Thanks Shou."

The two men sat down at the table. Shouyou bringing a bowl of freshly cut strawberries and blueberries, Kenma bringing the plate of pancakes and maple syrup.

The men said grace before digging into the delicious pancakes.

And Kenma was content, he enjoyed this, even though this is going to shit, he feels okay right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmmmmm fluffy chapter  
> please excuse how ASS THIS CHAPTER IS I CAN'T WRITE FLUFF FOR THE LIFE OF ME-
> 
> chapters from now on are going to be 1000+ words from now on if everything goes as planned.  
> Also, if you're looking for someone with an uploading schedule, I'm not your girl, I'll be uploading whenever I feel like it, bit I'll probably upload 2 or more chapters per week, it really depends on how i'm feeling.
> 
> Also please leave me comments I fucking love reading them.


	4. Streams and Bubble Tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y e s .

Shouyou walked into Kenma's gaming room to set down the bubble tea they'd bought earlier. Kenma was in there, working on getting everything ready so he could begin streaming.

Kenma's gaming room was amazing, really. The walls were black, with a scarlet red accent wall on the wall the door is on. There was a tall shelf featuring manga, video games, figurines. It was amazing. Kenma's desk was right in the top right-hand corner of the room. near his desk was soundproofing foam.

as Kenma heard footsteps come closer and closer, he looked up. He says Shouyou holding two bubble teas. Shouyou wordlessly handed Kenma his drink with a soft smile. Kenma smiled too, returning the favor.

"Is everything going well in here?" Shouyou chirped.

"Yeah, it is. I tweeted out earlier today asking for questions for us, so we don't need to worry about that. I was thinking I could start the stream whenever you're ready." Kenma said, taking a sip through the straw of his peach bubble tea.

"mm that sounds good," Shouyou began "I'm ready whenever you're ready!" He smiled.

That smile

the one that would just, light up his world.

Kenma situated the camera to focus on him and Shouyou, he was actually pretty excited to start this.

Kenma began his stream, viewers quickly flooded in with random comments like

 _aralen4710:_ KOZUKENNNNNNnNNN

 _Kozkenstan510:_ IS THAT SHOUYOU I SEE???

 _Vixiaaaa:_ Q&A WITH SHOUYOU Q&A WITH SHOUYOU

Things like those made Kenma softly smile, he really appreciated the people who viewed his streams. He never thought he would make it so far, but here he is...

Shouyou giggled seeing all of the kind and funny comments roll in, he was starting to think that this wasn't such a bad idea.

"Alright," Kenma began "Let's wait a few more seconds for more people to join."

Shouyou just smiled, he was having fun reading all of the comments.

Kenma waited 5 minutes to open Twitter and check all of the questions. He'd decided he would just scroll down and stop at a random reply and answer that question.

"mmk, so the first question comes from AllieMon48 on Twitter. The question is "When did you and shouyou start dating????" 

Shouyou and Kozume were never super public about their relationship, so they never said when they started dating or anything like that.

"I was 16, in my second year of high school!" Shouyou happily responds, putting his hand up and putting up two fingers.

"and I was in my 3rd year, I was 17" Kenma softly replied, grinning at how Shouyou remembered so quickly.

"Okay so this one comes from astra093," Kenma began. "Who said “I love you” first, and where?"

The two men stayed silent for a second, waiting for the other to answer. Finally, Kenma started talking.

"uhh, I said I love you first.."

Shouyou giggled, he knew a ton of people thought that Shouyou would say it first, but surprisingly enough, it was Kenma.

Kenma's chat was filled with 'whhhhaattttt" and 'not what I expecteddd'.

Shouyou laughed again at the situation, he thought it was funny.

"Okay, I remember it. it was before nationals," the orange-haired man began. "Fukurodani was holding a training camp and Kenma and I was watching the sunset after dinner. and one thing led to another and he kissed me." Shouyou chimed in, blushing at the thought. He really did love Kenma, he had since his first year.

Kenma softly smiled. "yeah, I remember."

The Q&A went on, with happy, funny, nostalgic, sad, and all-around just amazing questions. Shouyou felt so happy, everything he was worried about proved to be just him worrying. It was definitely an experience, and Shouyou would love to do it again. Everyone was so sweet and it made him smile and blush.

Shouyou yawned as he sat in a bean bag chair in the corner of Kenma's gaming room. It was 10:05 already, Shouyou knew Kenma was a night owl, so he hung around with him. 

Kenma was focusing on editing some bits of the live stream that they had recorded earlier with Shouyou. He was just uploading the video to his channel when he heard a yawn.

"tired?" Kenma asked, not taking his eyes away from the loading screen.

"mmm, yeah. I'll head to bed when you do." The man in the bean bag chair said, yawning again after.

Kenma hummed and sat impatiently at his chair. he wanted to make sure that everything went right with the upload, but he also wanted to cuddle with Shouyou...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fancy seeing you here...  
> ITS BEEN LIKE A WEEK IM SORRY I PROMISE I DIDNT FORGET ABOUT THIS LMAO IM JUST LAZY AS FUCK.  
> ALSO FUCK YOU AO3 FOR DELETING THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER LIKE 3 TIMES.  
> I'm sorry, I really am. it's late as fuck and its short as fuck, please forgive me...  
> anyways please leave me comments I love reading them it makes me smile.
> 
> 10/22/20


	5. A call to save a life.

The only sounds that could be heard were the beeping of the heart rate monitor and the sounds of Kenma's iPhone game.

Kenma sat in the corner next to Shouyou's bed in an awfully quiet hospital room.

Shouyou's bright hair just didn't seem to fit in with the painfully plain hospital room. The walls were a creme color with some random medical posters hanging up. The bed was in the middle of a wall, there was a TV on the wall right infant of the bed, but that was really it. Creme colored medicine cabinets aligned the walls, there were counters on the same wall as the TV, and there was also a sink.

Nonetheless, the room was blaring, far too plain for someone like Shouyou to rest in.

Last night when Shouyou and Kenma were about to head to bed, Shouyou passed out. His breathing shallowed and he wasn't waking up. Kenma had panicked and just called 119. Turns out, it was the right choice. Shouyou had gone into Cardiac Arrest, the doctor said it was likely from the "neuronal loss in IML", whatever that meant.

That night, Kenma feared he may lose Shouyou forever.

But he didn't, he was still here. His heart was still beating, his lungs were still taking in air, maybe not naturally, the breathing tube that went into his nose proved that. But he was alive, and that was all Kenma asked for.

Kenma sat in the corner of the hospital room playing an iPhone game, his right leg was bouncing up and down and his hands were shaky and sweaty. He was nervous, he didn't know when Shouyou would wake up, he was too scared to ask any of the nurses. So he just sat down and waited. Shouyou's teammates and friends were notified about his condition already, it was difficult breaking the news to them as expected.

Kenma had decided he'd text the news, he didn't have the guts to call anyone. He didn't want to hear the gasps of disbelief and sadness, he couldn't.

He'd found Coach Foster's number on Shouyou's phone, so he decided it was best just to explain Shouyou's condition. The message Kenma had sent was the length, it went into full detail about his condition.

"Hello, This is Kozume Kenma, Shouyou's husband. To put it simply, Shouyou is in the hospital. Osaka Central Hospital to be exact, he likely won't be leaving anytime soon. Shouyou had been diagnosed with ALS awhile ago, he's been having tribe;e breathing, he's had pain in his chest and he's gotten weaker and weaker as the weeks go by. That's why he's been taking time off. But let night he went into Cardiac Arrest due to his condition. He was admitted into the hospital at 4:12 AM, he'll likely be staying there for a while. Feel free to tell your team, I'll be informing Shouyou's friends. I think he'd really appreciate a visit once he wakes up.

Best Wishes,

Kozume Kenma."

The message had read. 

He'd sent similar messages to group chats he's in. Including the old Karasuno, he was in for some reason. He'd sent one to an Old Nekoma one as well. 

After writing out what seemed like a dozen messages, he'd gotten a call on his work phone. It wasn't out of the ordinary for him to get calls on that phone. It was 9:00 AM so it was probably just one of his employees. 

When Kenma went to pick up the phone, he read the Caller ID.

**Kageyama Tobio**


	6. I'm Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha two chapters in one day bitches

"Kenma," The man on the other line called. "Osaka Central Hospital, right?" a man said, he didn't even try to mask the concern in his voice.

"I-, yes that's right. Kageyama please tell me you're not-" Kenma began talking quickly before being cut off.

"Too late, I'll be there as fast as possible." Kageyama said in a rush, there was a sound of bags or something rustling in the background.

"Kenma.." Kageyama began. "His he okay?"

"I-, he should be fine...I just don't think he'd want you to drop everything and visit him. You know how he gets..... Plus you're in Tokyo.." Kenma said softly, he was concerned for both Shouyou and Kageyama. He wanted so bad for Kageyama to visit him and Shouyou, they never got to visit in person much with both of them playing volleyball professionally. But he also knew that Shouyou would probably get mad at Kageyama for dropping everything to come and visit him, he's always like that...

"I'm going anyways. I'll take the bullet train. The next one leaves at 10:00, so ill probably get there at noon." Kageyama says, taking a deep breath. he cares deeply about his friend, even if he doesn't show it much.

"Alright, I'll see you soon then," Kenma says, sighing softly at how rushed this visit is.

"Mhm, see you. Oh, one more thing, text me when he's awake." Kageyama says before hanging up the phone.

How does he know that he's asleep still, I don't remember telling anyone he was still asleep... Kenma wondered before realizing, Shouyou would have said hello and would start yelling at Kageyama the second he said he was coming to Osaka.

"Hey, Kou!" Daichi called, concern in his voice.

"what's up?" Koushi called before walking to the living room from his office area.

Koushi and Daichi had been married since they were 25, they're both 29 now, they were a happy couple, they rarely had actual arguments, they were in love.

Koushi walked up to Daichi, who was leaned over the marble counters with a glass of water in his left hand and phone in his right. He was staring down at the phone screen his eyes reading whatever was on there.

What he was reading was an email from Kenma, it was sent to more than 20 other people...

Whatever Daichi was reading must have been important enough that he had to call Koushi in.

"Dai, what is that?" Koushi asked in a soft tone, he was confused and concerned.

"Here, just read it," Daichi said, tears building upon his lash line as he handed Koushi the phone.

The look in Koushi's eyes was one that Daichi wished he'd never have to see again. The tears once threatening to spill over his lash line were now rolling down his cheeks freely. Koushi started crying, sobbing really. He was heartbroken. Shouyou's career was at its peak, he has so much potential, he's got so many more things to do in life, he can't go now... 

Koushi and Daichi ended up calling into work, saying they'd be absent due to an emergency, they needed time. Shouyou could die...

Kuroo Knew early on that something was up with Shouyou, although he had done a decent job at trying to hide it. So when Kenma sent him a heartbreaking message about what's happening with Shouyou, he wasn't as surprised as his peers. That doesn't mean he wasn't surprised though, the message he was sent went into full detail about Shouyou, and ALS, no holding back information.

In the email, it was written clearly. 

The doctors don't think Shouyou has more than a year if he's lucky.

if he's lucky...

Tears had run down his face as he thought about Shouyou, he's too young to go. He thought about Kenma, and how he'd definitely seclude himself from the whole world. he'd shut everyone out if he lost Shouyou.

Coach foster opened his email to check if there were any changes in MSBY's last game, but what he'd found was a length email from Kenma, Shouyou's Husband.

His heart wrenched as he read the email, he hadn't even realized...

Shouyou was one of the players that help the team together, he always managed to put a smile on everyone's faces, even sauska's. He was an amazing player and person, he's always so selfless, he'd shown so much potential when he joined the team.

As he finished reading the email, he realized he would have to be the one to tell his team about his condition...

As another practice finished up without Shouyou, Coach Foster called the team, not a team circle. 

"I have news." Coach Foster began, realizing a large sigh. "It's about Shouyou." He finished, looking over at Atsumu and Bokuto, two players who were really close to Shouyou.

The team stayed quiet, even Bokuto, which was really unlike him.

"To put It simply, Shouyou's at Osaka Central Hospital, he was diagnosed with ALS a few days ago." Coach Foster said, trying to hold back sniffles, he really cared about the kid.

The gym erupted with questions, mainly from Bokuto and Atsumu.

"He's-" Coach Foster began before being cut off by Bokuto, who was tearing up now, many of the players were.

"Is he going to be okay? He'll be okay... Right?" Bokuto asked, his voice cracking, he knew most of the details on ALS, his great grandmother had it, she died from it. Cases in people as young as Shouyou were almost unheard of, it was so uncommon...

Bokuto was panicking, like the rest of his teammates, Shoyou's in the hospital, with a disease that kills...

"Please don't interrupt me, I'll explain everything."

"So from what information I was given, Shoyou was showing signs of ALS for a while but got an official diagnosis a few days ago. Last night, he went into cardiac arrest because of his condition. ALS causes weakening in muscles, shortness of breath, difficulty speaking, muscle spasms, you understand. There's no cure for ALS, so if you get what I'm saying here-'

"How long?" This time it was Atsumu speaking.

"Doctors think a year if he's lucky..." Coach Foster says, tears freely falling down his face.

Shouyou made friends with everyone on the team, everyone had some sort of a connection with him, and hearing that this was the condition that he was in just broke everyone's hearts.

He doesn't deserve this...

"Shouyou may, or may not be discharged from the hospital. Everything is pretty vague."

"Coach what about our last game?" Oliver cuts in.

"It's still on, I suggest you do your best, win," Coach says, defeated.

The gyms aura was depressing as everyone began packing their things in silence.

As most of the team made their ways out of the gym with dried tear stains on their faces, Coach Foster stared down at his phone, re-reading the same email from Kenma over, and over, and over again.

Bokuto opened up his phone to see he'd gotten a similar email from Kenma, so did everyone else...

He stood there while he watched everyone walk out the door, he didn't understand how this was happening. Everything just hit him at once, he was overwhelmed by it.

As Bokuto walked to his car, he just thought.

Shouyou Hinata, now Shouyou Kozume, the man he's known for like 11 years was dying...

The man that once was a newbie at volleyball, now a pro, was dying. He has a shit ton of things to do still...

Bokuto unlocked his car and got in, he started driving in silence.

Tears ran down his face as he sobbed. He can't imagine life without him now. He's been such a big role in Bokuto's life, now he's dying. Dying of some disease that would make him feel miserable until the day he dies.

Shouyou never did anything to deserve this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah it only gets worse from here
> 
> sorry lol


	7. Room 510

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bouquet of Daises sit on the bedside table.

Hospitals were never Kageyama's thing.

It always seemed to off, the people, the aura, everything. But that's just how hospitals were...

Kageyama walked in through the sliding glass doors into the hospital lobby with a bouquet, daises to be exact. The lobby looked like any other one, people were waiting for appointments, doctors, and nurses rushing around. There were brown and black chairs lined along the walls and set in rows for people to sit and wait in.

The air was crisp, it smelled something like carbolic acid or flowers, probably to distract from the cruel reality of what's happening on the other side of the doors.

Kageyama speed-walked up to the front desk that had two secretaries.

"Ah, hello. How can I help you?" One of the ladies asked. She was blonde and had her long hair tied back into a loose braid, she was wearing the typical scrub uniform.

"I'm looking for Shouyou Kozume.." He said lowly, there was a bit of concern in his voice.

The lady looked down at her clipboard, flipping through a few pages before giving Kageyama a soft smile, obviously full of sympathy.

She handed him a visitor sticker and told him the room and directions.

"Room 510, so upon floor 4, it should be to your right once you exit the elevator." She said, her sad smile remaining on her face as she pointed to the left, the direction of the elevator.

"Thanks.." He scuffed out, it was obvious she was trying to be nice about everything, but she obviously knew Shouyou's condition. Why else would she give Kageyama a sympathetic smile like that? Kageyama didn't really enjoy it when people did things like that, it just bothered the hell out of him.

Kageyama impatiently waited for the elevator to come down to his floor.

He pushed the up Botton again

he was getting really antsy

he was nervous

who wouldn't be if your best friend was in the hospital, probably still unconscious?

The elevator finally opened with a sound _ding_. No one else was inside, thank god.

  
Kageyama walked into the elevator, flowers in hand, and ready to see Shouyou. He pressed the button to the first floor, with a _ding_ the elevator door closes and begins to go up towards floor 4. Kageyama tapped his foot on the ground as he waited for the elevator to arrive.

There we no stops on the way up, thank god. Kageyama was already feeling impatient enough.

Kageyama exited the elevator and went right, just as the lady told him.

He approached room number 510, daises in hand as he knocked on the door. He heard a quiet voice say "come in!" it was Kenma.

so Shouyou isn't awake yet... Kageyama tight, biting his lip as he reached out to grab the door handle.

He opened the door to see Kenma sitting in a chair by Shouyou's bed, his eyes seemingly focused on his game, but now and again he'd glance up at Shouyou with sad eyes. Kenma Haden't acknowledged Kageyama yet, besides giving him the okay to come in.

Kageyama took a seat on the other side of the bed Shouyou laid in, sitting across from Kenma.

"Kenma, are you okay?" Kageyama asked, careful with his words. he didn't want to say anything that could potentially hurt the man.

"Sure." Kenma responded blandly, his eyes never leaving the game.

Kenma was obviously bored of the game, originally it was just a distraction from the shitty situation Shouyou and he was in, but now it's just another thing to stare at.

"Kenma, it's okay to not be okay, you know that right?" Kageyama asked. He wasn't the best at helping people through rough times, but he could try.

Kenma groaned as he listened to Kageyama talk.

"You're not my mother. Look I know you're here to see Shouyou so just sit there and wait." Kenma grumbled.

"Kenma I-" Kageyama began.

"You what Kageyama? you wanna tell me you're worried? I don't care anymore okay! I don't. Look at Shouyou, just look at him! He hasn't woken up yet and I don't fucking know when he will. The doctors are saying he's lucky, but fucking look at him Kageyama! Does he look lucky?! his entire career, everything he's worked so hard for is being taken away from him! he doesn't deserve this!" Kenma yelled tears were running down his face as he spoke, the game he was once playing had been thrown to the ground and Kenma was now standing on his feet, pointing at shouyou... He really loved Shouyou, and he can't stand the thought of him leaving him.

"I KNOW ALRIGHT! I know he's not okay, I know you're worried, I know it's unfair I know. He's my friend okay, I love him too, not in the way you do but still. Calm the fuck down and listen to me. I'm asking about YOU! So for a goddamn second would you just listen to me and answer the question!" Kageyama yelled, now standing infant of his chair, his hands were balled into fists at his side. he'd finally lost his composure, everything that's been going on has made him pretty short-tempered.

Kenma felt his eyes water more, he wiped away his tears with the sleeves of his crewneck. He took a few shaky deep breaths and sat back down in his chair before talking.

"I-im j-jus-t w-worrie-d a-abo-ut S-hou." Kenma stated, his voice shaking and cracking as he sobbed.

Kageyama felt his eyes water at the sight of the man.

"Kenma, I know, but you have to care for yourself as well okay. Shouyou will be alright, you gotta hear me out." Kageyama said in an uncharacteristic voice, he began walking over to Kenma slowly as Kenma stared at the floor, his tears falling between his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please tell me someone understands the chapter name I stg if no one does I'll cry


	8. Made With Love

The argument ended around 20 minutes later, a lot of things were said and words were thrown around but it was over.

Kageyama and Kenma had gone silent afterward, they were both thinking about the entire argument that they'd forgotten that they were sitting right across from each other.

Kenma looked up from the floor, he'd sat down after a while. He looked up at Kageyama, who had his elbows on his knees and hands covering his eyes as he was slouched over. The two of them had said some things in the heat of the moment. They were both overwhelmed with emotion, it was all just too much.

"I- I'm sorry, Kenma." Kageyama studdered out. Kageyama had grown from high school, finally able to admit when he was wrong and apologize. He wasn't the same emotionally constipated person he was years ago, neither was Kenma.

Kenma hummed in response, his eyes were focused on Shouyou. He looked so calm, so peaceful even though the rooms aura was anything but peaceful. His chest was moving, up and down, inhale-exhale. 

Kageyama looked up at Kenma, he saw him staring at Shouyou. The two of them really really cared about him. They'd known Shouyou for more than 10 years, Shouyou motivated them, he cheered them up, he loved one of them, and to see him like this broke the two men's hearts.

Kageyama's eyes fixated onto Shouyou, his elbows still situated on his knees. Kageyama just sighed at the sight.

"We're looking for Shouyou Kozume," Daichi tells the lady at the front desk. Daichi, Koushi, Akashi, and Bokuto had met up together unintentionally in the parking lot. So they all went in together, they had all been looking for the same person anyway.

The lady sighed, this was the second large group of people looking for this man today and it was only 3 pm. They obviously cared for him but Jesus they didn't have to make such a ruckus, the first group especially.

"Ah, room 510. Take the elevator up to the 4th floor, it should be to your right." the lady said with a soft smile.

Daichi was carrying a brown basket by his side, it was wrapped in iridescent cello gift wrap, inside you could see a framed picture, a blanket, and some sweets, it was just a kind gesture, it was also the least they could do at the moment. The gift wrap crinkled every time it came in contact with something, it was the only sound coming from the group of men, aside from their footsteps.

They all entered the elevator together, both couples had their fingers intertwined in the elevator. Akashi's eyes stared at the floor, he was worried about the man.

The elevator made a ' _ding'_ sound as it opened up to the fourth floor. The men took a right as they were told. Everyone stayed quiet, there wasn't much to talk about when you're a friend from high school who is laying on his bed with an incurable illness.

Bokuto was the one to knock on the door.

Voices could be heard talking inside of the room, but they went silent as Bokuto knocked.

"Come in." a voice yelled, it kind of sounded like Kuroo, which Bokuto wouldn't doubt.

Bokuto opened the door, there were 5 people in the room, not including Shouyou. Kenma and Kageyama were sat down across from each other by Shouyou's bed, while Kuroo was standing up talking to Kenma. Atsumu and Sakusa were in the corner of the room by the window where sunlight was coming in talking to each other. It was a bit odd, Saukusa of all people looked like he really didn't mind hospitals. Kageyama was just scrolling through something on his phone not really talking to anyone. He'd glance up at someone now and again like right now he was looking by the door, looking at who was coming in. A soft smile appeared on Kageyama's face.

Everyone's conversations paused when they saw Bokuto, Akashi, Koushi, and Daichi come in. Most just smiled and welcomed them in, the mood had really improved since earlier in the day.

Shouyou was still unconscious, but he looked like he was doing okay in all honesty. His breathing was steady, if Bokuto hadn't known any better he'd just think Shouyou was asleep.

Akashi had gone over to talk with Kuroo and Kenma, and Koushi and Daichi were over with Kageyama. Bokuto began walking over to Kuroo, Kenma, and Akashi, but as he started to walk over, shifting in the bed could be heard.

Shouyou groaned, it was like he was waking up from the best sleep of his life, he didn't want to get up. He attempted to turn to his side but realized he couldn't, his body felt so heavy. Shuffling of feet could be heard from around the room, but Shouyou couldn't see, it was all dark. 

Warm hands were suddenly touching Shouyou's arms. "Shou?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FELL IN LOVE IN OCTOBER BUT SHE DIDNT SO GIRL IN RED LIED TO ME.
> 
> also, I'm sorry this chapter is so short, a lot has been going on at home and school so I haven't had a ton of motivations to write. I'll push more out soon.
> 
> 11/5/20


	9. Broadcast

Everyone did their best to try and not let information about Shouyou's condition get out, they really did. It was one of Shouyou's requests. But the media had got word of it eventually.

Many sports news channels talked about it, and some normal news channels as well. But everyone knew, word had spread like wildfire. Shouyou was one of Japan's most loved athletes, of course, people would be upset about this news. 

Shouyou wasn't super mad that information on him got out, he knew it was bound to happen eventually, it just happened faster than he expected. He'd only woken up two weeks ago, so it was surprising to see how quickly some people had found out.

Shouyou sat criss-cross on his hospital bed, he was still attached to an IV and a heart monitor, but he was doing relatively well all things considered. He was alone in his room, nurses were checking up on him every now in again though. He sat scrolling throw his social media, smiling at all of the people keeping him in their thoughts and prayers. It was sweet, but it just reminded him of the harsh reality that is ALS. He was still in pain, he was still upset, and he was still scared.

Kenma had gone home to grab Shouyou's train of thoughts.

"Come in." He spoke softly, his throat had been a bit sore the past few days.

The person behind the door was Kenma, but that was expected, everyone worked on Thursdays.

Kenma was carrying a bag by his side, he was smiling though, which made Shouyou smile.

Kenma set everything up to record, they were going to talk about Shouyou's condition, going into full detail and depth. Few words were exchanged between the two, it wasn't like they needed to say anything to know what the other was feeling.

With the click of the camera they began.

The video was a mess, but it was really just the best the two of them could do at the moment. both of them had work to do regarding Shouyou's retirement from professional volleyball, paperwork for the hospital, and likely some interviews. The entire video was a rollercoaster of emotions, there were smiles one moment and tears the next, it was just a mess. But it was okay, they were okay.

The video was uploaded only a few hours after it was finished being filmed, Kenma had wanted to just get it over with so he and Shouyou could spend time together.

Kenma shut his laptop and sighed, it was dark out and Shouyou looked like he was going to fall asleep beside him. Kenma took his unkempt hair out of the low bun it was in. He put his laptop back into his back as he started moving closer to Shouyou, laying down next to him.

"Hi." Shouyou smiled, he was face to face with Kenma in the hospital bed now. Kenma smiled as he opened his mouth.

"Hi." He replied, it was late on a Thursday night, the two of them were tired, but they just couldn't seem to sleep, not right now at least.

People started visiting less and less, Shouyou couldn't blame them because everyone has other things going on in life, but still. Shouyou knew that people still cared about him, there was a pile of cards and goods that sat in the corner of Shouyou's and Kenma's room that clearly said so.

It had been 10 months since Shouyou's first hospital trip, and it hadn't been the last. Shouyou had gone home two weeks after being first admitted into Osaka Central Hospital, things had been going well but then he suffered another seizure a month later. Kageyama, Akashi, and the MSBY team would still visit around two or three times a week, but that was really it. Natsu and Mrs.Hinata had lived back in miyang still, so they didn't get to visit too much, but they tried.

The third time Shouyou was admitted was two months after his second time there, it was the same things happening, Shouyou would have a seizure, they'd keep him there for a week or two and treat him, then they'd release him just for the cycle to repeat. It was draining, to say the least, and Shouyou was becoming more and more miserable by the week, he was getting weaker and weaker, his muscles cramped up and he was having more difficulty chewing. Kenma tried to reassure Shouyou that he'd be okay, but they both knew it was a lie. The prescribed medicine that Shouyou was given was starting to have less and less effect on him, and the physical therapy wasn't working, it was so painful to watch.

Shouyou collapsed one morning while washing his hands, his muscles were burning, they were too weak. Kenma heard the fall from the shared bedroom, he knew exactly what happened, and he wasn't liking it at all.

As Kenma ran into the bathroom he saw Shouyou laying on the floor, his back towards the door and limbs laid limp on the floor to the side of him, it was hard to tell if he was even conscious anymore. Kenma fell to his knees, tears streaming freely down his face as he pulled out his phone to call emergency services. 

Shouyou was unconscious.

The lack of movement, speech, everything said it. Shouyou was still alive though, his pulse was still there, and that was the closest thing to comfort Kenma could get at the moment. To be honest, Kenma knew something like this would happen, he just didn't know it would be so soon. Shouyou had never collapsed like this before...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on Thursday I almost got arrested lmao
> 
> also, ya'll the chapters are getting shorter for a reason. also, this work is apart of a series!!!


	10. Room 215

Shouyou was in pain. Mentally and physically. His entire life went downhill in a matter of 10 months and there wasn't a single thing he could do about it, it hurts. His body was in pain, his muscles weakened and in pain, the medicine he was given had only helped the burning sensation a little bit. It wasn't hard to imagine himself dying within the next few weeks, he was slowly giving up. The only person that was keeping him from actually giving up was Kenma, his husband. The man who vowed to stay with Shouyou through sickness and health, was still there, all of the time. Whenever Shouyou was feeling down or wanted to give up or break down Kenma was there.

Shouyou stared up at the white ceiling, apparently just that morning he'd collapsed onto the floor.

Suddenly, the door opened with a _click_. Kenma was standing at the door, his backpack slung over his shoulder, and two Boba teas in hand. Shouyou sat upright and smiled.

"You didn't have to do thattttt." Shouyou croaked out, his throat was a bit sore.

"oh but I already did, and I brought lunch." Kenma playfully responded, he was doing his best at trying to keep Shouyou as happy as possible, it seemed like his efforts were working at the moment, the wide smile on Shouyou's face showed proof of that. But the dark bags under his eyes also showed proof of how Shouyou was really doing.

Kenma set the food down on a bedside table, and he set his backpack down on the floor as well. He gestured Shoyou to move over in the bed, and Shouyou did. Kenma leaned down to unzip his backpack, he pulled out his silver laptop and opened it up.

The pair sat in a hospital bed watching movies, eating, and laughing, it was an attempt at forgetting everything that had happened just hours earlier.

Kenma laid asleep right next to Shouyou, but Shouyou was awake, thinking. While Kenma was out, the doctor came by and told Shouyou about the precautions they'd have to take to ensure Shouyou stays alive as long as possible, as long as possible being an estimated two months... Shouyou would have to stay in the hospital, he'd have to stay in one of his least favorite places on earth for the remaining months of his life. Kenma doesn't know though, and that's what pains him the most, even trying to think of ways to tell his lover about what's going to happen hurts.

It wasn't like Shouyou would be staying with Kenma forever, physically at least. Both people knew Shouyou was dying, they knew they couldn't deny the fact anymore, it's just so hard to comprehend. They were high school sweethearts, they helped each other through so much, they've known each other for over 10 years, and yet they're still together. They're together today, but tomorrow no one truly knows...

Shoyuou sat thinking for a few minutes, but those minutes seemed like hours to him.

Shouyou began silently crawling further under the covers, now facing Kenma's sleeping face. Shouyou just stared at him for a while, studying his face. He was so happy to have Kenma always with him, but he knew what would happen once he'd pass. He knew Kenma would shut out the world in pure grief, there are countless things he'd do but Shouyou knew that that's one of the things Kenma would do for sure. Shouyou felt more mentally hurt than anything, he wasn't as strong as people thought.

But for now, being asleep in a hospital bed with his lover seemed better than being alone.

Shouyou woke up to the beautiful sunset, the oranges, pinks, and blues lit up the room, it was something nice to wake up to. Kenma was still sleeping next to him, he was curled up next to him, his head was resting on Shouyou's shoulder. A smile grew on Shouyou's face, this was something he always looked forward to in the mornings.

Shouyou kissed Kenma on his head, all Kenma did was grumble in response, it was obvious he was waking up now, slowly.

Shouyou looked over to his left, there was a bag with empty containers from their dinner, he'd have to throw that out later.. There was also an empty cup, once filled with boba tea, last night had been fun, mellow, but fun.

Shouyou looked down at Kenma, whose eyes were now slowly opening, like a cat. Shouyou giggled at the resemblance.

"what?" Kenma slurred out with a yawn.

"hm, nothing," Shouyou said with a smile.

"Hey Kenma, what do you think about going out or something, like, going out at night to stargaze," Shouyou said, he really didn't have a reason to go out stargazing aside from the fact he likes stars and Kenma.

Kenma thought about it in silence. for a minute before responding with a confident "no."

"whatttt why?" Shouyou whined.

"You just got sent back to the hospital yesterday, I'm not letting you leave, plus I'd doubt that the doctors would allow you to leave. Also, you're probably going to be too tired to go." Kenma said it was a good reason for not going, he'd actually love to go out stargazing with Shouyou, he really would, but it just didn't seem possible today.

"Maybe tomorrow night, if we ask the doctors nicely." Kenma quickly said, of course, he didn't want to upset Shouyou, plus he was a bit disappointed he couldn't go as well.

"ah, you're right. tomorrow night then!"

"Yeah, tomorrow night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me, writing and shit, not forcing everyone to wait a week.
> 
> also, I feel like these notes kind of change the entire vibe of my work, like your reading this kind of sad story and then you read about me almost getting arrested lmao. anyways sorry for that.


	11. Cream-colored Paper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breath, in and out, in and out.

That day, at around 12 PM Kenma had to leave for a meeting, it was a given that it was going to be about taking a work break from his CEO position at Bouncing Ball. He wanted to be able to relax for a while.

Shouyou had been left alone, most of the time. One of the nurses would occasionally come by to check up on him and or give him his medicine if it was time, he wasn't really expecting many visitors. He'd been visited by so, so many people already, and the MSBY team would come around still. But it did give Shouyou a lot of free time, free time that he was going to use for good.

A stack of cream-colored paper sat on a table to the left of him, and pens to the right. Shouyou pulled out the tray over him so he could write on a hard surface. 

Shouyou had begun to write letters, letters to every individual who helped him grow as a player, person, friend, and lover. The process was lengthy, a lot of people helped him in life, but still, he felt the need to write every one of them a handwritten letter. It was difficult, his hand would get tired and there would be details of some things he'd forgotten, the frequent muscle twitches and cramps hadn't helped him out either.

As each letter was written tears fell from Shouyou's face as he remembered all of the happy, sad, funny, and life-changing memories he had with so many people, it hurt. It hurt remembering while in a hospital bed, it hurt remembering with constant pain, it hurt remembering that people impacted him as much as he impacted them, he didn't want anyone to cry.

The letters were all unique, different for every person. They were definitely made with love. Shouyou had some pictures back at home that he'd have to include in some of the letters.

Shouyou was writing until 4 PM, he'd written around 15 letters, which was definitely not all of the people but it was some. He now had a stack of letters he'd later have to put in envelopes later. 

With a sigh, he set down his pen. His hand hurt from writing so much and the skin between his thumb and pointer finger was red and irritated because of the pen. Shouyou pulled out his phone to read the time, 4:03 PM. Kenma was going to be here in about 10 minutes.

Shouyou began stacking the papers and putting them in the drawer next to him, making sure to grab every paper.

Shouyou leaned back in his bed ad he grabbed his phone, he opened up Twitter. He had thousands of notifications, but a few stood out to him.

The MSBY Black Jackels Offical Twitter had tweeted out about their victory against the Tachibana Red Falcons, there were hundreds of likes and retweets on that post, they were still thriving without Shouyou, which left him with an unsettling feeling in his stomach. He felt happy, and yet so upset at the same time. it was good they were still doing well, and it sounds selfish to wish deep down they weren't. but in the picture attached to the post, Bokuto was still smiling just as wide, Atsumu still had a smug look on his face, Sakusa still looked uncomfortable, everyone seemed normal. Apart from him hoped that they'd maybe come to visit him after their win, but he knew that they were to hyped up to come to the hospital to visit him. 

Before Shouyou knew it tears fell down his face. Life went on without him, it was like the old saying, time waits for no one.

Everything was happening so fast, he couldn't keep up. He felt so many emotions, his chest was rising and falling too quickly for Shouyou to actually inhale. His chest hurt more than usual, he felt dizzy and nauseous. It hurt, everything hurt. more tears fell down his face, he never knew something like this could end with him feeling like this. His throat was closing, his lungs wouldn't take in any air, he felt trapped. The sound of choked sobs echoed in the empty room.

One of the nearby Nurses ran into Shouyou's room after hearing from outside.

"Mr.Kozume.." The nurse whispered under her breath, careful not to cause more distress.

the nurse took a deep breath, trying to keep herself calm as she began to quickly walk up to Shouyou and assess what was going on.

She speed-walked to the side of the bed, careful not to do anything that may harm him.

"Mr.Kozume.." She began talking slowly. "Can you please listen to my voice?" Shouyou looked at her silently. "Mr.Kozume take some deep breaths in and out with me." She spoke, her soft voice was oddly soothing to Shouyou. Shouyou focused on the woman, studying her as he tried to take a deep breath in. His breath would hitch now and again, the man felt like a child throwing a tantrum.

As time passed Shouyou grew calmer and more tired. The nurse had left him to go grab his doctor, she felt it was safe enough to leave him alone for a few minutes. Shouyou struggled to keep his eyes opened, his eyes would close and just refuse to open, he was exhausted.

Shouyou's doctor walked into room 215, his face was familiar to Shouyou, after all, he had seen the man a lot.

The man walked in silently, nothing but a clipboard and two cups In his hand. one of the cups was filled with water, the other help wat looked like two capsule pills.

"Here, take these and get some rest." The man said, oddly roughly. Shouyou sat criss-cross in his bed as he gulped down the pills. Once the doctor made sure he took the pills, he left without a word.

Shouyou threw the two paper cups into a garbage can as he leaned back in his bed. He stretched out before curling up on his side. With a sigh, he closed his eyes.

It had been a long day, rest was needed, but it just seemed like he couldn't sleep. He hadn't been able to sleep easily for a while now, no matter how tired he was. he kept thinking back on his panic attack, all of that, all because of a volleyball game. Or was it because things were changing, Shouyou couldn't tell anymore. Shouyou's eyes stayed closed no matter how much he wanted to open them and do something, he knew he needed the rest.

Eventually, sleep came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I binged the entire The Promised Neverland anime and manga on the same day and I have not stopped crying.
> 
> also, I based Shouyou's panick attack on what mine are similar to, but they're different for everyone.


	12. Soothing Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wide smile distracted Kenma from the dark circles hiding under Shouyou's eyes.

Kenma had been informed about what happened to Shouyou the second he entered his room. As the doctor explained what happened to Shouyou, Kenma's eyes couldn't help but stare over the man's shoulder to look at Shouyou. The doctor's voice slowly went quiet as Kenma was deep in thought, to focused on Shouyou to concentrate and listen to the doctor.

The words "that will be all, any questions?" snapped Kenma back into reality.

Kenma looked down, trying to think of what he wanted to ask before it came to him _ask if you can take Shouyou out for a while tomorrow..._

"Yeah, one actually." 

"go on." the doctor said, adjusting his glasses.

"Tomorrow, could you give Shouyou the okay to go out for a few hours at night?" Kenma said, his fingers were crossed behind his back as he prayed the doctor wouldn't reply with a hard no, or laugh at such a dumb question.

"If he's feeling up to it I suppose you could, but you'd have to bring him back to the hospital before 12 AM. Understood?" The doctor stated, taking Shouyou out of the hospital could be potentially dangerous, but as long as the two of them were safe that would be okay. With Shouyou's weakening muscles this may be one of the last times he can't leave without a wheelchair. So may as well let the man go out while he can.

"Ah, thank you. That's it." The doctor left after the conversation ended.

Kenma walked over to the wide window that was placed in the middle of the wall to the right of Shouyou's bed, it was dark outside. There were two bouquets on the ledge of the window sill. The flowers were of course from Kenma, and the other from Shouyou's mother. The other gifts had been set in a different area of the hospital room.

Kenma walked over to his usual place by Shouyou's bed, and he just stared. The fact that in less than two months Shouyou could be gone forever just hadn't set in. Kenma had been skipping around the fact for so long now, he just couldn't cope with it yet. He hadn't wanted to. It seemed like everyone else had already coped with the fact that Shouyou was going to leave the world soon, and they just got over it. Kenma knew that wasn't the case, but it seemed like it at times.

There were so many things the two of them wanted to do, and such little time.

Kenma looked down at his watch, 10:05 PM...

What an ironic time...

The numbers 10 and 5 just reminded Kenma of back when the two of them were awkward high schoolers. Back when the most they had to worry about was school and the volleyball club, simpler times.

Kenma vividly remembers when Shouyou's team found out they were dating, it was embarrassing for Kenma, but Shouyou was just full of pride. No one opposed their relationship at all, which came as a surprise to both of them.

The two boys were awkward together for the first months of their relationship. But after a while, things awkwardly progressed forward. But it was in a good way. We opened up to each other more than we'd ever opened up to anyone before. There was this feeling of a weight being lifted off of Kenma's chest when he realized he could be himself around Shouyou. Because Shouyou was Shouyou. The boy, now the man who resembles the sun, the light in everyone's life, including Kenma's. 

Shouyou slept soundly through the night. But Kenma had, of course, stayed by his side. He'd only leave when he had to, the hospital staff had now known Kenma because of how much he was there.

Kenma woke up sitting in the same position he sat down in, his legs were out far in front of him and arms were crossed. Though his neck did hurt from sleeping on it wrong. He scooted back in his chair to sit up-right and stretch.

Suddenly, a cheerful voice spoke out. "good morning, Kenma." Shouyou said cheerfully, it was as if he just automatically forgets something bad happened to him...

Kenma's head jerked up though, he hadn't even realized Shouyou was awake.

"good morning Shou" Kenma mumbled out as he moved his chair more towards Shouyou's bed. Shouyou though had other plans.

Shouyou began scooting over and gesturing for Kenma to join him in his bed.

Silently, Kenma got up from his chair and started shuffling into Shouyou's bed. It was a bit small for the two of them but it was okay. 

The two of them sat there in each other's arms talking and playing video games for a few hours before Shouyou had to take his medicine. While Shouyou was getting up out of bed to take his medicine Kenma finally asked him the question he was dying to know the answer to.

"Shouyou, do you know what caused your panic attack?"

Shouyou just stared, like he was trying to just magically forget, or waiting for Kenma to drop the conversation, but he didn't

"it's stupid..." the man said while downing his medicine with water.

"C'mon Shou, it's not stupid if it caused you to have a full-blown panic attack. You can tell me, I won't judge. Kenma said his voice firm but kind.

Shouyou sighed as he walked back to his place next to Kenma.

Shouyou took a deep breath before sighing it out. He parted his lips, but nothing seemed to come out, just tears.

Kenma sat silent, he raised his hands to Shouyou's face to cup his cheeks and wipe away the tears falling. Kenma's thumbs quickly, but softly wiped away his tears as Shouyou began talking.

"I-it's j-just t-that-" Shouyou began, his hands gripping the sheets as he spoke before being cut off by his lover.

"You don't have to tell me right now Shou, it's okay. I'm sorry." He stated, not wanting Shouyou to cry anymore.

Shouyou stayed silent, he'd tell Kenma later once he wasn't crying.

Shouyou's grip on his bedsheets loosened as he started to calm down. He always liked this about Kenma, he wouldn't force Shouyou to tell him anything he didn't want, he always made sure Shouyou felt safe and comfortable. 

Kenma kept whispering soothing things into Shouyou's ear as he calmed down. Now and then he'd tell Shouyou he loved him, which had definitely contributed to Shouyou calming down.

Shouyou was changing into his clothing for outside for what seemed like the fiftieth time, Shouyou just couldn't decide on what to wear., while Kenma was sitting in one of the chairs in Shouyou's room. Shouyou was overjoyed when he found out he was allowed to leave for a little bit. So much so that he started jumping up and down, in his hospital bed. A wide smile appeared on his face, his eyes squinting like he'd just looked right into the sun, it completely distracted Kenma from the dark circles under his eyes.

"Okay, so what about this one?" Shouyou brightly asks. This time he was wearing light blue ripped jeans, an oversized pastel pink hoodie, and his favorite pair of cyan shoes with pink laces. He actually looked really cute, although Kenma was pretty sure that that hoodie may have been his at one point, he didn't mind though.

Kenma grinned as he spoke, "You look great, Shou."

"you're not much help you know!" Shouyou whined out, giggling a bit.

"What else do you want me to say? you look amazing in everything I just-"

"I'm teasing Kenma, thank you." 

"hmp, so mean to me," Kenma grumbled out jokingly.

"Wooooooooow" Shouyou said, dragging it out as the two of them grabbed their things to leave the room.

Their fingers intertwined as they left room 215.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the beginning of the chapter is boring I know but it's necessary to move the plot forward. Also, this fic is coming to an end soon, I plan on ending it within the next 2-3 weeks.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! please leave your comments I enjoy reading them so much :)


	13. Ask Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ask me why I like the stars so much, Kenma.

The two men walked through the sliding glass doors of the warm hospital, into the cold outdoors. Their fingers intertwined as a dorm of affection, and warmth, a win-win situation if you ask Kenma. Shouyou hid his lips under the heat of a fluffy white scarf, one he got from Kenma. 

The two walked, Kenma slightly ahead, showing Shouyou where they were going. It was 8 pm, the sun had already set leaving darkness all around, but the stars and the moon lit up the sky instead. It was funny, the stars. No matter how dark it was they always shined bright, no matter how consuming the darkness of the night as they were always there, somewhere. It was kind of inspiring to Kenma.

Kenma led Shouyou down a wide sidewalk, they were heading towards one of their favorite places for desserts, but Shouyou didn't know that. Kenma was determined to be full of surprises tonight, he intended to make tonight one of the best dates he'd ever taken Shouyou on. And so far, it seemed he was enjoying it. Shouyou was smiling and skipping along while he talks about whatever. Now and again though, Shouyou would have some difficulty speaking, which was a cruel reminder that maybe one-day Kenma won't be able to hear his sweet voice again.

The two continue walking for around 10 minutes, but every couple of minutes Shouyou would stop talking and ask "where are we going? are we almost there yet?" It was childish but honestly adorable to Kenma. But the slurring of Shouyou's words wasn't missed by Kenma, just ignored.

Shouyou tightened his grip on Kenma's hand for what seemed like no apparent reason. When Kenma stopped walking and looked at Shouyou, he just sweetly smiled and started walking again. Kenma tightened his grip on Shouyou's hand as well, when he did that, Shouyou loosened his grip. They kept doing this cycle of squeezing each other's hands until the other gave out. It was fun to say the less. Shouyou being the athlete, won most of the time. 

The couple continued this process until they finally arrived at their destination.

A mall in the Osaka Prefecture. Shouyou made a confused face, his head tilted not knowing why they were visiting a mall of all places.

"trust me alright." The older man said.

"Mmmmm ok." Shouyou agreed, still confused as to why they were going to a mall at 8 pm.

Kenma led Shouyou up to the fourth floor of the mall, and a place with chocolate brown walls. it was called Chocolatier Palet D'or, it seemed interesting enough. Through the glass windows in the exterior, you could see tons of chocolate creations and treats. There was everything from cakes, jellos and ice creams. It looked luxurious, there were gold accents through the walls and decoration in the room. It was amazing, really.

As Shouyou admired how amazing the place was, Kenma just sat back and smiled. Shouyou was grinning from ear to ear. The place was truly amazing, you could peep back and see people making the chocolate, even Kenma had to admit the place was sweet, literally.

Shouyou had decided on getting Chocolate ice cream on a cone. Kenma teased him for it, there were so many options and yet he chooses Chocolate Ice cream of all things.

Kenma, though, hadn't gotten anything. He kept saying "he wasn't hungry" and "hell have something later." But he kept taking licks from Shouyou's icecream, which earned him a flick on the head.

"Alright n-now, where are we going?" Shouyou iced, ice cream cone in one hand, and Kenma's hand in his other. Shouyou had ice cream at the tip of his nose. Kenma looked at him and just let a mischievous grin appear on his face. 

"It's another surprise!" Kenma said laughing.

"Hey! why are you laughing at me?" Shouyou curiously asked, completely unaware of what was going on.

Kenma swiped his thumb at the tip of Shouyou's nose, getting all of the ice cream off. He popped his thumb in his mouth, licking it.

"oh, you're so gross!" The younger cried out. His voice slightly wavering, like he was having a difficult time speaking, it was likely the case.

"only for you Shou," Kenma said while wiping his hand off with a brown paper towel he brought in his pocket.

"here, follow me." Kenma grinned. He was taking an escalator back down to the first floor of the mall, Shouyou followed.

A wide smile stayed on both of their faces, going out together like this after what feels like forever felt nice. There was no one there to interrupt them, even with tons of people around it felt like it was only Shouyou and Kenma. 

The couple stepped out of the warmth of the mall into the bitter night, Osaka was chilly at night, it was almost the end of October.

Stargazing.

Kenma took Shouyou to go stargazing. The smile on Shouyou's face couldn't be more infectious. He was grinning wide, ear-to-ear. Kenma didn't really understand why Shouyou liked stargazing so much, but he didn['t oppose it if he did they would be here.

They were sitting in a flower field, god knows how Kenma found such an amazing spot, but it was truly amazing. Flowers surrounded the couple as they laid down and stared at the stars. They were glowing bright tonight, which was perfect.

Shouyou let all of the air he had been unconsciously holding in him out with a long sigh.

The couple laid on their backs right next to each other, Shouyou was pointing out all the constellations and stars he could find, and Kenma just listened.

Shouyous arm was in the air, pointing out another star when Kenma turned his head to the side to look at Shouyou.

He was perfect in about every way possible. His jawline was sharp as he stared into the night sky, rambling about the stars. His soft hair that Kenma would run his fingers through now and again. His long eyelashes made his eyes pop even more. And his honey brown eyes that always looked so captivating...

"Kenma? Earth to Kenma?" Shouyou called out, he was now facing Kenma. Shouyou must have caught him staring.

"uhh yeah?" The older said, stumbling on his words.

Shouyou just laughed," I caught you staringgg." 

"I can't help how pretty you are." Kenma teased.

Shouyou's face heated up, and a red blush appeared on his cheeks up to his ears.

Kenma just laughed at his shocked face. After being together for so long he could still make Shouyou blush so easily, it was adorable in his opinion.

Kenma caressed Shouyou's jawline, the silence between them was nothing but comfortable. The pair just stared into each other's eyes, smiles on their faces.

Eventually, Shouyou turned away but ended up breaking the silence between them.

"Kenma.."

"yes?" Kenma replied.

"Ask me why I like stars so much."

"Shouyou, why do you like the stars so much?" He asked, a smile on his face as he turned to look back up at the stars.

"the stars remind me of the people I love," Shouyou responded.

"what does that mean..?" Kenma questions.

"You can't always see the stars, but you know that they're there, just like people you care about. You wouldn't have a sky without stars, the stars are such an important part of the night sky, it wouldn't be a night sky without them. Kind of like me, I wouldn't be me without the people I care about. And all of the stars are different, they're from different places, they're all special. Just like how people are special. I think we have more in common with the stars than we think." Shouyou stated. Kenma never really knew how deep the topic of stars was until now, it was kind of amazing.

"You're right..." Kenma whispered, a smile on his face as he turned to kiss Shouyou on the cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two more chapters left! I'm thinking I may actually finish this week or next week, depends on how I'm feeling.  
> also, I am for sure rewriting this entire story, the rewrite should come out maybe in December, idk. I just really hate chapters 1-10 so...
> 
> But the plot will likely be a bit different but I can assure that it will be A LOT better than this story.


	14. Messy Writing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Kenma...

Nobody said it was easy, being the husband of a dying man. Watching the man you love so much slowly die in front of you is the most mentally painful thing ever. All Kenma wants to do is take away Shouyou's pain, even for just a little bit. But he can't.

The one-sided conversations were hard to carry, Kenma had no idea how Shouyou did it for so long, it was exhausting to Kenma.

It was December, and as the warm weather disappeared Shoutyou's voice went with it. His ability to talk was about gone, and he was too weak to even hold a glass of water up by himself. Visitors had become more frequent, It just seems like everyone knew what was going to happen soon. Everyone wanted to spend time with Shouyou before he'd be gone, and Kenma couldn't blame them. It's just that he wishes they Visited him when he could speak when he could walk when he could do so many things still. But now they're here, Shouyou sitting up with the help of his bed reclined, and some other people in the room. Not to mention the plethora of cards and gifts Shouyou won't even be able to enjoy. It was all bittersweet.

Kageyama was trying to have a conversation with Shouyou, trying. It was difficult for him to start up conversations on its own but now he's trying to carry a conversation with someone who can't even verbally respond. It's difficult, Kenma knows that better than everyone else.

Shouyou's mother and Natsu were talking to Kenma's mother and Kuroo.

Kenma just sat listening in on Shouyou's and Kavgeyama's "conversation." Shouyou would just respond by trying to write something down on a notepad, but it proved difficult due to his rapidly weakening muscles. The words came out sloppy, no matter how hard Shouyou tried. But Kageyama didn't say anything or tease him like he uses to, he seems to understand.

Kenma's eyes travel across the room, his eyes meet Natsu.

The young woman had really grown up from the first time Kenma met her when she was about three. Granted that was around twelve years ago. But the young woman was in high school now, playing volleyball at Karasuno just like her older brother. She expressed once how she looked up to him a lot, and it was true. She was prideful when someone asked if Kozume Shouyou is actually her older brother, and she was happy when she joined the girl's volleyball team as a Libero. She hadn't wanted to be just like her brother, she wanted to be independent, but that didn't stop her from admiring her older brother's dedication and strength. Sure the two of them were different in so many ways but at the same time, they were so similar.

She'd grown up so much, which was another reminder of how things are changed, and some for the worse.

Taking a look back at Shouyou, Kenma could see he was smiling along with Kageyama. Kageyama smiling was an odd sight to see for sure.

But Shouyou was silent.

Kenma probably would never hear his sweet voice again.

Kenma took shaky breaths as he excused himself to go calm down outside of the room, it was all too much. Right now, it was estimated that Shouyou wasn't even going to make it past Christmas, and that's if he gets lucky.

It all felt like he was having a nightmare, nothing felt real, but at the same time, it all felt way too real. All Kenma wanted to do was wake up from this shitty dream, he wanted to wake up in his and Shouyou's shared bedroom, not a hospital. he wanted to turn over and see Shouyou sleeping peacefully, not hooked up to any machines. he wanted to kiss Shouyou goodbye as he leaves for morning practice. He wants to stream video games like he use to. But he can't anymore.

He just wants to feel again.

Feel something other than sadness, or anxiety.

He wants to go and take Shouyou stargazing like they would do all of last month whenever possible. 

There's plenty of things Kenma wants right now, but the sad thing is none of it is possible.

All he can do is sit back and do his best to make sure Shouyou dies happily.

Happily...

It doesn't seem like someone like Shouyou, who had an entire life ahead of him, a man who used to be living his dream life, can die happily. It just feels like Shouyou worked so hard just for all of those accomplishments to go in vain.

Throughout the next two weeks, people kept visiting Shouyou. He was grateful of course, but it got tiring sometimes, and it was hard knowing that people had so much time to come and individually visit him in the hospital when he wasn't doing so bad, but they didn't. His hand got tired of writing, and he was still rapidly getting worse. He now had to rely on a. a nasal cannula to get more oxygen. He was doing his best to make it until Kageyma's birthday, but at the rate, his health was declining as he really didn't know anymore. Something could happen and he could die unexpectedly.

On the bright side of things though, he really did enjoy all of the visits. And the letters he was writing were already all finished, so he could just spend time with his friends and family now.

Though, Shouyou did find himself wondering what the afterlife really was like. He was curious if he'd done enough in this life, he wanted to know if there was more he could have done. He'd already written out his Will, and he and Kenma had decided on what was going to happen after Shouyou dies. That conversation involved a lot of crying...

It was all inevitable though, everyone knew that this day would come.

Dear Sweetheart, best friend, sugar, lover, beautiful, my one and only, ken, kit, darling, ame, açúcar, cutie, precious, baby, Kenma.

My dearest Kenma, have I ever told you how much I love you? I hope I have. I love you more than anything, I love you more than you'll ever know, I love you more than the stars in the sky (does that make sense?). Anyways, I love you so much, for so many reasons. Kenma you're the light of my life, everyone to me is like the stars but you are the moon. You shine brighter to me than any of the stars in the sky. There's never been one time where I couldn't count on you, you're just so amazing. You've accomplished so much in life and you're still so young, I'm so, so, so, so unbelievably proud of you.

When I first saw you back in high school my first thoughts were "holy shit he's pretty." and at that time I didn't even know I was gay. But when I first saw you and heard your beautiful voice I knew that you were someone I'd need to befriend. The first time I looked into your eyes and we made eye contact I swear I stopped breathing, I don't really know why I felt like this, but I did. And when I saw you play for the first time, I swear my heart must have skipped a beat. Everything about you was perfect. Back then, I didn't think I could meet anyone as beautiful as you, but over the years you've only grown even more beautiful, inside and out. Back then. my heart would skip a beat if I saw you texted me (it still does today~) I always got so excited to see what you texted me, no matter what it was. I think I just thought that I should feel honored someone as amazing as you responded to me, which I find funny now.

But now we're older, and things are changing. The only thing that has never changed was my feelings towards you. We've both grown up, and accomplished so much.

Kenma, when I first got sick you never left my side, even though other people were visiting me often you were always there. That's something I love about you, you just always know. Throughout these last months, you barely left the hospital, unless it was for something related to work or personal health. I thought it was so sweet, and it is. You were always with me, and I hope you know that now I'm not with you physically, but I'm still with you. No matter what, I'm so so proud of you. You've done so much for me, and other people in the world. You have no idea how many people you've helped. No matter how wet my face was with tears you never hesitated to wipe them away and kiss me. And no matter how hard it was for me to walk or do something, you were always there to help me. 

Kenma no matter how miserable I was, or how annoying, or how rude, you were always with me. These past months I've learned how much you love me, and just thinking about it makes me smile. No matter what happens I love you. Even if I can't say it, I do.

Before I met you, I'd always think the whole idea of soulmates was so cliché, but now I know, it's not, because I've met my soulmate. Now I understand that I and you were meant to e, and that's why I'm still with you, sure not physically but even so, the things you've done changed me for the better.

Nonetheless, whatever happens, when it's my time to go, I love you. But I don't want you to shut out the world, I need you to stay as strong as possible. I need you to do your best at everything, no matter how difficult it is. Even if all you can do in one day is shower and order a meal I'll be proud, because you did something, and you put effort into it. Keep making people happy Kenma, you may not know that's what you're doing but it is. Go change the world, I'll be watching.

It's okay to cry, It's okay to be sad. But Kenma it'll be okay, it may not seem like it at first but it will be. I'll be with you again someday.

Thank you Kenma, for getting lost on your way to my high school that one day. Thank you Kenma, for being the person you are today. Thank you Kenma, for putting up with me no matter what. Thank you Kenma, for loving me. I'm so proud of you, and I love you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy here we go.

**Author's Note:**

> ALS is short for Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (a-my-o-TROE-fik LAT-ur-ul skluh-ROE-sis), or ALS, is a progressive nervous system disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord, causing loss of muscle control.
> 
> Most of my information on ALS is coming directly from mayoclinic.org, but there may be some mistakes, if there is I'm so sorry! ALS can be very complicated. Also I'm so sorry for any inaccuracies, I'm definitely not the smartest in this area lmao.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Xoxo, Gossip Girl


End file.
